Pardon Me,

Whoa. I haven't blogged in a minute. Sorry about that, my dear readers. (All two of you?) I guess you can say I've been busy. But I bet you're just dying to know what's knew. So I'll make you a list.

1. With great sex comes pregnancy scares:

    None of them have been legit. I think it's just me being a little paranoid Christian girl. I keep going, "God has got to get back at me at some point, right?

2. Sex makes you happy?:

    It does. For a while. But then it just drives me mad. I can smell it, taste it. I'm always longing for more. The touch of his hands. His sent. The taste of his lips on mine. The warmth that comes from body on body. The tenderness after. I think that's the best part. Crawling into his lap after and going to sleep to the sound of his deep, even breathing.

3. I will always be royally fucked up:

    Depression. Thoughts of cutting. The urge to purge. It all resurfaces. I've cried EVERY DAY for the past two months. Am I ridiculous or what?

4. I quit my job:

    Well technically I'm taking a long vacation so I can play soccer for my schools team. I play right fullback and I dare say that I'm pretty badass. I miss the kiddies though. I can't wait to be a momma :)

5. Love is something that should come naturally. Relationships, however... Those you have to work on.

    I've definitely learned that first hand. Everyone sees Mark and I as this perfect couple, but we're far from it. No one sees the incredible about of work and tears that goes into the incredible union they witness. Behind the scenes, things get a little hostile. Mark is an asshole plenty of times, and I'm a bitch more often than not. But I think we love each other enough to stick it out. I think Markell Tishawn Turner could be the one.

Sorry Sam

Sure I'll dance with you now
But I won't be your girl.

Sure I like you
But not the way you want me to.

Harriet Robinson couldn't have said it better herself
Beauty is just as dangerous now as it was then.

What is the point of being pretty?
No one will like you for who you are.

This is why i stay away
I keep my own company.

Won't you be my friend?
Just my friend please.

Is this growing up?
What they call the real world?

Because I don't like it
I'd rather be young and innocent forever.

Won't you be my friend?
My friend to love forever?

But that will not happen
Because you will always be wanting more.

And i don't want to fall in love.

La vie en Rose

when he takes me in his arms
and speaks to me softly
I see life as rosy
he tells me words of love
everyday words
and it makes me feel
he came into my heart
a piece of happiness
for which I know the cause
He is for me, I am for him, in this life
he told me that - swore it for life
and as soon as I see him
I feel my heart beating

nights of love, never ending
Much joy which takes over
troubles, sadness, phrases
happy, happy to die

my eyes look down when he looks at me
I only see his mouth when he laughs
this is the portrait "as is"
of the man I belong to.
-Edith Piaf

Looovey dooovey dovey dove

Ah first love
HOW ILL I TREATED YOU!!!!
I thought I loved you
YOU HEAR ME?? I THOUGHT I LOVED YOU!!!
And blamed you for it
Your STUPID confused crooked smile
Never Understanding
My confusion.
Why did we try so hard?
To fund a dying cause?
There was much argument
No peaceful resignation.
Never fully trusting again
Always wary and weary of being wary.
Never trusting again
Never trusting
First love
Only love
Thanks alot
YOU JERKFACE
ITS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT I'M SO SCREWED UP AND CONFUSED NOW
I AM EMOTIONALLY SCARRED BECAUSE OF YOU.
AND YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALTZ UP AND HAND ME
MY BIBLE
MY HOLY BIBLE!!!
AS IF YOU ARE DOING ME A FAVOR
I COULDVE GOTTEN IT MYSELF THANKS
DONT TRY AND HELP ME
IM FINE WITHOUT YOU
AND I DONT LIKE YOUR PERSONALITY ANYWAY
I love your poetic romantic personality
but that side of you has disappeared
i love you sean
YOU HEAR ME? I LOVE YOU
I just hate the person you have become.

I feel it coming
That terrible sensation
The left side of my lips twitch
And i feel the flood behind my eyes preparing to break through
Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry
Don't be a wimp
This is idiotic
Don't give them the pleasure of seeing your tears
Ok breathe slowly
NO! devilish little things
The silvery drops slope down my face
Revealing my weakness
I will them to stop but they keep coming
I am a rock
I am an Island
Because a rock feels no pain
And an Island never cries

Good Morning, Joe

Hey there sweet thing
Roll over, it's morning
Wake me up with that sensual kiss
Give me what I really miss.
Let your flavor linger on my lips.
Pure skill rousing in me
The ability to cope emotionally.
Your love is my drug
Can't get enough
Even though you kill me
Give it to me rough.
Lowsy nights
And drowsy mornings.
All for one touch
That leaves me moaning.

Love Seat

She sits there all alone

All alone on a loveseat

Her mind isn't made known

A psychosis impossible to treat

I say what can YOU say

That hasn't been said?

"Why don't we pray?"
But can prayer help a mind that is already dead?

What is a loveseat without love?

What is a seat without someone to sit in it?

What we do is lie low and hide from humanity's shove

While those around you babble without any wit.

You sit there so smug

With your sweet little smile

A sugary little mug

Full of your deceitful wiles

Why try helping the poor

When you turn a blind eye to those around you

Thinking it will fill you up more

But that is nothing new.

--

but i love dumplings more