One Day

One day I hope that this will be over.
That we can coexist
And speak of the love we once shared.
Maybe you'll eventually look back and remember
That it wasn't always like this,
That there was once something there.
Maybe get past the hurt
And see the love that came first.
Maybe look through me,
And really see
I couldn't be so foul
If you once loved me.

.

I don't want to be an annoying white girl.
I don't want to be sucked in by every guy that talks of love.
I don't want to be who you want me to be.
I don't want to have a personality pre-made for me.
I don't know who I am yet.
But I know what I want.
I want to make a difference in the world.
Do something that will change peoples lives.
I want to be real with people.
To speak my mind without having it thrown back in my face or ignored.
I want every word i say to mean something.
Not just useless banter used to make yourself look clever.
I want to be real I want to be real I want to be real.
I don't want to be a plastic doll like the rest of you.
Waiting to be positioned in the shop window.
I know I have to try.
I can't just sit here restlessly.
But I will.
I will sit here with my mouth shut and my hands tied behind my back.
Waiting.

Mark

There's something about Mark
That makes everything right.
There's something about his eyes
That on my heart shed light.
There's something in his smile
That makes the stars align.
There's something in his voice,
And the way his hands hold mine
That makes me giggle and wonder
How I've lived without him all this time.
Some say we're too young to fall in love.
Maybe, but I don't give uh!

What To Say

Black Knight
Oh night cannot make slumber
The chill of that sight
My heart's loud thunder.

Dark weather
Oh whether I cry or bawl
You remain yet never
In my heart does rain fall.

I Love the Ones That Judge Me

I have privacy issues.
I don't let my boyfriend go through my phone.
Neither do I let Mani.
It's just out of the question. So why then do I post all my lovely almost sexual experiences online for all the world to see? Because all the world does not know me. It doesn't matter what they think. Just that SOMEONE reads. Listens. Attempts to understand.

What sucks is when friends read my posts.
And tell other "friends"
And have a lovely party of self-righteousness
Talking about how what I do is wrong.
And how their worried about me.
They tell other "friends".
And no one has the big boy balls to say something about it.
No.
They tell other "friends".
They don't listen.
They don't try to understand.
No.
They tell other "friends".
Maybe I need less judgy friends?

plain and simple

You wish life could be that way, everything written out for you
But that's not how God made it
We have to make our own decisions
And that is how we grow up
By deciding for ourselves
Saying this is what i think
And I am going to stick by it
Its really hard for me to know what i think
When everyone around me is telling me what to think
Its hard to have your own opinion
When all of their's are being jammed into
Your head all at once
And it's like no one listens no one cares
And then they'll yell at me for saying that.

My Struggle

I hold so much promise, it's crazy.
I am so driven no one can stop me.
No one except the one that I am.
No one hinders me like I can.

My decisions can make or break
This knowledge causes my will to quake.
I tremble under the weight of my ambition.
I stumble, but am steadfast in my mission.

I will be
Lovely.
Fierce.
Successful.

I will not
Fear.
Retreat.
Crumble.

For I know that with each breath
God provides strength to take the rest.
This battle is not mine, but the Lord's.
This depression will one day yield to His sword.