Growing Up

When you're 14 years old, about to turn 15, it seems as though the universe would be a better place if only you were 16. If you were 16 you could date that 17 year old. You could drive. You could go to the gym by yourself. You'd have a job. You'd have it all. All those things seem so exciting, so inviting, until a week before your 16th birthday when you realize it's just another day.

Up until a few months ago, I still had this unrealistic vision of what my 16th birthday would be like. I thought it'd be my ticket to freedom. Yet here I am, 8 days before my birthday, trying to remember why I was so excited. I think I've finally figured it out. See when I was 15, everything revolved around guys, and kissing them, and being with them. And if I could kiss them, why shouldn't I have sex with them, seeing as though that's the next step? Since I never liked any of the immature guys my age, I needed to be legal. I needed to be 16.

But I don't want that anymore. I don't need that anymore. I was so broken and lonely back then, and I thought maybe sex would fix my problems. And I got pretty close until I realized that that's not what would bring me happiness. What I really wanted was love; I was just looking for it in the wrong places. By some strange turn of events I found it--love, that is-- and sex will just have to wait until I'm married, yah?

Now that that's squared away, there are other things that I look forward to. I'm getting my permit next week, that's cool. But in actuality, I'll be closer to seventeen when I get my license, and maybe closer to 18 when I get my first jeep or truck. Also, I'm looking for a job, but I'm busy enough with school and soccer. School and soccer plus a job and drivers' ed? Where does that leave me? With tons of responsibility and not enough fun. Will I have time for all that AND my boyfriend? I'm just coming to realize that being 16 will be a huge burden, but it's one I welcome because today I feel as though I can conquer anything. I'm no longer a child; I'm growing up.