Still Here

Today was the first day of the second week of school and the hype is finally starting to wear off... Last week i was super-excited to go to school, but now I'm beginning to remember why I was so eager for it to end in June. Like don't get me wrong, it's not all that horrible. It's just that school is so damn predictable. I'm not worried about my grades. So far everything is easy. And so I just float through the day, not knowing what's going on, but praying that something out of the ordinary would happen.

Along with my mediocre life comes the almost un-ignorable urges to cut. I seem to crave it whenever I'm bored. It's crazy because before, I would cut when I felt overwhelmed. But I haven't given in yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's worse throwing away four months of progress. Whenever I see alcohol or a pair of scissors or get the inkling  to contact my dealer, I think of all the progress I've made. Can I really give all of that up for a forth of a teaspoon of blood? I don't think it's worth it. I'm not miserable enough yet.