Love's Carnival

I hate going to this place... This place where everything is unknown, and scary. And everything's attacking me. Worse. I'm attacking myself. My memories choke me, and they make everything into something dark and sinister. I say it a lot. I feel like an object. I feel as though everyone's watching me. I feel like it's all going to hell. And I'm falling.

No one thinks I'm smart enough, and neither do I.

I'm not pretty. I'm not skinny. Neither of us can deal. But I can't stop shuffling. You think I don't see that the deck is too big. I do. On the back of each card is a spiral that sucks me in. I can't move, just wait for the cards to go spewing every which way. They do. We spin.

You close your eyes, and come along for the ride. When will you decide you've had enough? Can you take it? Babe, it's tough. I should make you get off before it really begins. I'm selfish. I want you here holding my hand. But I have second thoughts. I stand, ready to leave; take us away. But I hesitate, and the ride speeds up. We spin. When will it end? I look down and realize the lever is between my feet. I look up; our eyes meet. Mine sorrowful; yourself topped with defeat. You can't reach it. And I can't bring myself to pull it. So we spin. We spin.

Maybe if I close my eyes, it'll all just go away. Being left with nothing, is that so bad? I deserve much less. Much less than nothing. If I fade into the black, will you notice? But how can I leave? How can I leave you here? You need me to. But I need you.